Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Nowadays I keep questioning myself on how did my marriage turn out the way it is? Was it my fault? Was it his fault?Seriously, I blame everything on him and a very small part of myself. He started disappointing me in our early stages of our marriage and till now, I am unable to forget those incidents. Hence making it difficult to "work" on the marriage.Marriage is hard work. I stopped trying to work hard on it, just do what I need to do. Him? You tell me whether he is working hard at it anot? Talking to him is sometimes talking to a WALL. He doesn't even freaking reply me. That's totally sickening! What sort of marriage has no sort of communication at all. If I dun say anything, he doesn't say anything.I really cannot wait to go to genting and get away from him. I can't wait for my Hat Yai trip in Jan, BKK in Apr and May...I really need to get away from him. Part of me is starting to hate him so much for making my life feel so miserable. Even at night, I can't sleep well...cos he snores. Ask him to do something about it, he said the doctor says need surgery. And what next...it stops there. He cannot be bothered to check if we have any insurance that can cover this surgery and claim for it. Or anything. He is just F**King waiting for me to TELL him what to do! He just wants to make my life F**King miserable. If it was any other husband, won't the husband would have gone for the surgery or look for alternatives? Or else check if he saved enough to do such a surgery? Mine...does NOTHING. He expects me to figure out how and what to do. Sometimes I wonder whether he has a BRAIN that works when comes to this kind of thing. He can sleep well but I already told him I am miserable. I am not even sleeping well. (MY EYE BAGS shows very well how bad it is!)I feel miserable. I feel so lonely. I feel upset. I feel my life has partially ended.
Thots of the DAY @
9:23 PM
Saturday, October 24, 2009
I haven't exercise since my last run. My medical checkup at KKH and also in office certified me as underweight. I was weighing 44.4kg. Haiz.I seriously need to tone my body, exercise to create more muscles but damn...I am SUPER lazy.Reading this blog make me pretty inspired but again, I can't seem to get my butt up and do it!Read this blog: http://bodyblitz.wordpress.com/2009/10/
Thots of the DAY @
4:20 PM
Friday, October 16, 2009
My life isn't interesting. I wish it was. I hate my life literally. I see myself, chasing $$ to achieve a goal. But in return I suffer for years. Does it make sense? But why do I keep feeling that I am suffering? I really need to reflect on this question. Why do I purposely deem that I am so "poor thing"? I am so much better off than most people. I do see that I am but why on most occassions I don't feel that way?Somehow I feel this is a psychological issue...am I trying to justify my wrongdoings as right by doing what I am doing? Or just excuses to escape from reality? Or it's just things that I say to push myself further. Being 31 this yr...getting a flabby tummy which gets worse by the way...still don't understand why. I used to not eat for 2 nights and immediately, it's totally flat. Now there is a tummy. Hate it! Need to do something about it. But does anyone cares? No...It's time to do what I really want. And I did. Book 2 tickets to BKK for April and May with colleagues. Going to go without a care for home. I really need to get away from everyone at home...even my kids, and parents. I just want my ME time. Maybe cos I didn't get it last time. But does that man understand it? I do not think so.Seriously, I doubt I love R anymore. It's feels so dead our r/s. Look at now. He is playing his own games and me my own. If I do not talk to him, he will not talk to me. Our room is in a total mess...I am messy and yet, he doesn't help pack. I have so much things to file but I am so lazy in filing and yet, he isn't helping. He will just con't to dump the things there. Doesn't a couple talk? Apparently mine doesn't. Not even when necessary.
Thots of the DAY @
11:03 PM
