Monday, September 29, 2008
My birthday celebration (if you want to call it) was pathetic. No one planned for anything...in a way...it was my own planning. Since I had to give tuition on my birthday and the day before, and since NO ONE planned anything...I had to suggest last minute to have a meal at Changi. I was lucky my parents didn't have any thing on. R bought the cake when I was out (tuition on Sunday) but he didn't notify my parents. So I had to tell them during dinner that they had to go home with us to have cake (Cos I was going to stay over at their place...our house heater shut down so we only had 1 toilet for 9 people in the house!). R asked me again, what I wanted for birthday...till now I have not decided. I just wish he will surprise me with something. Ah well, he sorta did...had flowers sent to my office but the flowers weren't fantastic. It didn't give me the "lift" that I needed. It only had 6 roses only. I love bouquet but it wasn't even a bouquet! *Sigh. I was just thinking, he had so many days leave, he can easily take half day, come and find me for lunch (since I had tuition at night rite?) and buy me flowers. That's a thought which I think will NEVER happen unless someone suggest to him. Only the wife can be romantic enough to plan that way. =( So am I disappointed...sadly I am. I only turn 30 once and it's a BIG number for me. *sob sobAlot of well wishes for my birthday, I thank those who sent me msn-es and sms-es. Again, I was disappointed at something...however, will not say it here...just plain disappointment at how things turn out.Now I am planning my boy's birthday, I had to suggest to go RTC since my FIL had vouchers to use. Haiz...again..I plan. Haven't bought his present yet but he already told me and everyone what he wants! LOL. Now the only problem, I worry is that everyone end up buying the same thing. We are packing to move out. Had to get R off his butt to start packing. I still notice his stuff isn't packed. For me, most of my clothes I had thrown out liao. I probably start setting aside those clothes that I am bring over for 1 month. Probably wearing a dress is easier than wearing pants and tops. But I'll pack some in a box by next weekend bah. *yawn...haven't been sleeping well these few days. I wonder when we move, how long will it take for me to sleep. Probably might need to take panadol to sleep! ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz
Thots of the DAY @
1:46 PM
Thursday, September 18, 2008
I am so into Stephanie Meyers books. Wanted to try to finish reading the last novel yesterday but after 100+ pages, I had to knock out. So tired that I was late to work. Tong pang MIL's car to Kallang, then from Kallang took a train to Kembangan, then Kembangan my dad fetch me to office. Heehee. Pretty lucky that I got my dad living near by.Now manage to convincea my MIL to pick me up after work but she has to neg with her boss first. I told her, see lah...yesterday...I took the first bus out of office at 6am BUT I reached home at 7.20-7.30pm. Does it make sense? Then I guess she thought about it a little and say yah..make sense.Anyway, let's see how it goes these few days. Now abit brain dead, have to wake up brain up for work today.Oh...as of this morning, I weigh 44.4kg. Hopefully I stay around there. The last scare I had was I hit 43.8kg. That wasn't good. Tummy is getting bigger though.
Thots of the DAY @
8:54 AM
Friday, September 5, 2008
Something is very wrong.R is being totally nice to me. WHY??!!??Does he read my blog? Understand what I am feeling?I feel so dejected. Tired. I just feel like going...maybe I will feel much better? Am I suicidal? I dun think so. Just feel damn tired. Maybe typing this out makes me feel alot better.Nothing is impossible. But I just dun wish to leave on a bad note. Going back to ex-co to work...I have an opening. Pay isn't fantastic but sufficient. Should I look around again or just be comfortable knowing that I can handle most of the work there. Maybe I get a chance to groom to be a manager? But I know the HR doesn't really like me. Esp after the past incident. The cut is a big cut but will be managable. I lost my variables to move. But it was my choice...my last attempt to "chiong" in the "world". Maybe I should just feel satisfied with my abilities. I smsed my current boss that I need to talk to him. Basically in the sms is me asking him whether he still feel that I am suitable for the role. Cos I am starting to feel that I am not. I don't know if it's the role or the company or just the freaking environment. It's a real demoralizing place. It makes a person mood so moody. In my ex-co, I felt that way cos of some unfair treatment but that person has left already. Other people I can still handle. I still have some good frens there but some has left. How? I have 1 week to decide. Or should I just take another long break....or maybe or just maybe the maternity leave really got to me. *sob* Feel like staying home but can't afford it. I have my goals. I need to reach them. Sadly...I am tired. Or maybe...(I know I am jumping around...just bear with me...as my mind is moving pretty fast...) it's because I am turning the big 30! And I feel old.Argh...what's my freaking problem.Or maybe I should just indulge in eating and eating...get fat and will I ever be happy? No.Money is always never enough. Life is never good enough for me...I am not so easily satisfied. And I am a selfish mum! I miss my baby but yet, dun wish to take care of her. *sobz
Thots of the DAY @
8:10 PM
R brought i3 to her 2nd jab, he mentions that she didn't cry at all. She a tough kid. Love her to bitz.As of 3rd Sept, which makes her 4 mths and 11 days:She is 7.4kg, 64 cm tall and well, she is drinking 200 ml each time.She isn't very tall I suppose compared to her brothers. She is still very tao! Unbelievable tao. Want to smile, dun want to smile. She seems to hate evenings and love mornings and afternoons. Haven't been carrying her much...I miss her smell. She always smells lovely.I feel like bringing her swimming. But the weather has been cold. Hopefully by end of the yr or early next year, can bring her swimming. By then she probably can stand awhile. Missing her smile....
Thots of the DAY @
2:33 PM
Thursday, September 4, 2008
I was abit perked up yesterday but today again slipped into a demoralized state again. Work wise, I seriously dun think I am up to this position...it feels sucky in this job. Feel really like a pain going to work everyday. This is the first time I feel that way compared to all my jobs...and seriously isn't a good sign. But part of me want to stay at least to get my 13th mth (pro-rate) but is it worth while?
I really need a wake up call. Am I selfish? Damn it...I really need a wake up call. Dun tell me I am slipping to depression now? I really was putting alot of high hopes on this job but it's turning out really BAD. Feel that I dun have that energy to learn what I am suppose to learn...how?
Think I need some mental help...*sob*
Thots of the DAY @
9:18 PM
Monday, September 1, 2008
I didn't have a good start today. Slipped on the escalator and now have some scratches on my left leg. Lucky I was holding the handle on the right side, if not, I think the scratches would be deep cuts (cos I slipped once when I was 18/19 and had a deep "hole" in my leg which bled and bled). Well...in a way, that's lucky...Have no idea why I am feeling the way I am feeling. Maybe I know but it's hard to say it out here on my blog. I feel sad about some stuffs...yet, I can't speak of it. Work isn't getting me anywhere, it's not helping either. I tot work can help me forget alot of things but apparently my current work is giving me more headache than help. Part of me feel so lost. I tot this was what I wanted and now...I don't think so. Why did I fall so hard and feel this way? This isn't right and yet, right isn't the right word. Making any sense?!? I doubting myself. I am trying hard not to concede defeat but it seems to be a much better choice now. Should I? or Should I not?Help!
Thots of the DAY @
1:40 PM
