Monday, June 30, 2008
I dun understand why but I having a hard time sleeping at night or more like I ain't sleeping well. Haiz, I hope a good holiday can let me get back my sleep soon.Anyway, house hunting still, saw some prospected ones and quite near central which is good. =) Only problems is the rooms might be too small. Hahaha. But it doesn't matter, it's a matter of getting used to the small area for a while (2-4 yrs) before moving on to something bigger.We watched "The Incredible Hulk" on Sat at Vivo, it was GOOD. Good that the storyline was interesting and also good cos it was entertaining enough to stop i2 from moving from his seat. He enjoyed it termendously. At night, went to boss party on Sat. Had a couple of wines and champagne. But very little of each dosage. Which was good...at least I am trying to drink wine.Yesterday went to a BBQ, it's abit boring cos no one to talk to except my two kids. That's all for now. I am still not back to my original weight! And our 2nd son is driving everyone crazy. =( i3 is being quite a good girl. Slept around 6.5hrs yesterday...from 9.30pm - 4am.
Thots of the DAY @
12:40 PM
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Well, 2 days ago a couple came and signed the contract. Unofficially we are moving! We got 4 months to find another place to live. Made the decision to stay with in-laws first because we wanna save money to buy a private property in another 4-5 yrs time when the economy goes down....now, it's just not the right time to buy...that's what I told my MIL. Anyway, it will be OFFICIAL if the couple don't back out by Sat. It's scary to think we have to move every single thing. Now my FIL and MIL will be both flat visiting or maybe condo visiting...aiyah, depends on them. I did mention to MIL that condo the rooms are very small...after putting the bed, we won't have anywhere to put the cot. So she is also looking at the line of massionatte. Ah well, she is abit fickle minded and might change her mind.While for me now, I am still waiting for A's response. I got forced to go for an interview by an agent. I didn't want to but I just wanted to keep him off my back. Guess what, I intend to behave "badly" there. *grin* Not much of a choice because I do not wish to offend any headhunters at the moment. Anyway, I do not understand why physically I am starting to feel damn tired. Been like that for the past 1 week. I seem to lack the energy and I even refuse to wake up early. Been 2 weeks since I have been waking up before 8am! Now I am just lazying in bed till around 9am or so. Argh...I hate myself for that. That's really plain laziness. I actually planned to exercise but my "mense" seems to be worse this week. Doesn't seem to look like it is stopping. Been almost 2 mths liao. *sigh* it's abit scary.Okay, just stepped off the weighing machine...it shows 45.3kg (that's before eating). I am still hoping to shave off the 1.3kg to my original 44kg. But flabs are still there.
Thots of the DAY @
9:50 AM
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Met J in the afternoon. Bought 2 more tops ($20) so I can clear my other tops I have in my waredrobe (oh, I just killed a mozzie!!! Drank alot of my blood while I sit here to type). Last minute decision after shopping and all to watch the show "Black Book" at Picturehouse. 
Summary: Set in the fall of 1944, a thriller about the Dutch underground based on true events that span nearly a year around Rachel Stein, a young, pretty German Jewish woman who falls for a high-ranking Gestapo officer while seeking revenge for her family's murders. Everyone involved soon finds themselves embroiled in a spider's web of intrigue, treachery and betrayal--to the point where friend and enemy blur together into an indistinguishable line. To me, it was a good show. Oh, good news today...I am at 46kg. My lowest...but that's because I haven't ate lunch yet. Maybe going out is good, it makes me "Exercise" and work my legs (damn tiring) but I guess it's good esp when I get back to work. Aiyah, I forgot to do my stretching in the morning. Now I am wondering when it's time to go back...will I be able to wake up at 6am each morning?!?!?UPDATE:My aunty called today. Tell me that aircon compressor has problems. But to cut the story short, apparently the warranty was never submitted...the warranty was together with the aircon controllers (which I had never touched). R handled the control always!! Now we have an issue, have to go after the renovation company to find the receipt so that we can prove the timing that we bought the aircon. If not, we have to foot the bill for the repairs...which can amount up to few hundreds! This isn't a good week...it's getting worse as time passes! My heater also dun have receipt and warranty card. I still haven't got them. Argh...life is damn frustrating!C, if u read this..make sure when you do all ur renovations...those things that the ID give free such as hood, hob, air-con, etc...make sure all warranty is submitted if not. U also need all the orginial receipts.
Thots of the DAY @
12:26 PM
Monday, June 9, 2008
Am I wrong to discipline my own child?Each parent have their own way of bringing their child up...even punishment? Parents learn as time goes by how to bring their child up. Why do others like to interfere?**I know I ain't an angel. But I need to write this out as it's causing me destress.R was brought up by my in-laws. I am not saying they didn't do a good job, neither am I saying that they did a bad one. But I do not want my child to grow up like R (AT ALL). I am brought up by my parents in a different mode where I dun think I turn out that badly either. I am also not saying that my parents did a good or bad job but they had their issues and I think they definately tried their best. R doesn't communicate with his parents. His parents can say that we as parents are forcing our child not to communicate with us. But see...the point now is...our child (mainly i1) is NOT communicating with us. And most of the "parental" upbringing is done by my in-laws. So...see the similarity? Of course, my MIL will say a different thing. They say that we treat this home like a hotel. I tell R where I go most of the time. R tells me where is going most of the time. PIL DUN'T tell us where they go (even if they do...it's the "normal" few places). And if R chooses not to tell them...whose fault is it?I agree I am tough on my kids but that's how I am BROUGHT up. I do not SEE anything wrong with it. They book Tien Hsia for i1 without telling us. And yes, my MIL said that she DID! Yah, right...now I have to forgo going to genting because of them. I wanted to bring i1along. R suggest I bring i2. Bringing i2 will bring destress to my parents and myself. Instead of resting...i am going to get more tired. So the point?!?!?! My parents wanted me to go with them ALONE...cos they know I needed to get away. Just away from everything at home. Yet R doesn't want me to go alone with them and leave all 3 kids at home. I understood that point because of my in-laws.Anyway, i am rambling. I just feel damn upset over things now. For the next few days, I do not want to be home for dinner or at night. For fear, the "way" I take care of kids is going to piss them off. Then FINE...I will disappear from home then. It's the way they are forcing it...so be it. I dun wish to argue and create more problems. I just need to be AWAY! R says okay if I am not at home...hope he doesn't turn his promise around. =(*breathe breathe breathe...tears rolling....
Thots of the DAY @
9:28 AM
A TEENAGER'S VIEW OF HEAVEN 17-year-old Brian Moore had only a short time to write something for a class. The subject was what Heaven was like. 'I wowed 'em,' he later told his father, Bruce. 'It's a killer. It's the bomb. It's the best thing I ever wrote..' It also was the last.
Brian Moore died May 27, 1997, the day after Memorial Day. He was driving home from a friend's house when his car went off Bulen-Pierce Road in Pickaway County and struck a utility pole. He emerged from the wreck unharmed but stepped on a downed power line and was electrocuted.
The Moores framed a copy of Brian's essay and hung it among the family portraits in the living room. 'I think God used him to make a point. I think we were meant to find it and make something out of it,' Mrs. Moore said of the essay. She and her husband want to share their son's vision of life after death. 'I'm happy for Brian. I know he's in heaven. I know I'll see him.'
Brian's Essay: The Room...
In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read 'Girls I have liked.' I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was.
This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match. A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching.
A file named 'Friends' was next to one marked 'Friends I have betrayed.' The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird 'Books I Have Read,' 'Lies I Have Told,' 'Comfort I have Given,' 'Jokes I Have Laughed at .' Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: 'Things I've yelled at my brothers.' Others I couldn't laugh at: 'Things I Have Done in My Anger', 'Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents.' I never ceased to be surprised by the contents.
Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my years to fill each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.
When I pulled out the file marked 'TV Shows I have watched', I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of shows but more by the vast time I knew that file represented.
When I came to a file marked 'Lustful Thoughts,' I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content.
I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded. An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!' In insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it.
Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh.
And then I saw it.. The title bore 'People I Have Shared the Gospel With.' The handle was brighter than those around it,seemed newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.
And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt. They started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key. But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him.
No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own.
He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one? Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me.
Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card. 'No!' I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was 'No, no,' as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side.
He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, 'It is finished.' I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written.
'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.'-Phil. 4:13 'For God so loved the world that He gave His only son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.' If you feel the same way forward it so the love of Jesus will touch their lives also My 'People I shared the gospel with' file just got bigger, how about yours?
Thots of the DAY @
9:12 AM
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Got a funny surprise yesterday...R suddenly mention (actually I dug it out from him since he was suddenly saying something then held back...blah blah...those kind of ficklemindedness) about buying me a b'day present. He said since it was the GSS it will be cheaper to buy now than later when it's my birthday. Oh...I forgot to mention, he was talking about a diamond ring. His budget is a whooping $2k. Hmmm....that's actually alot.Anyway, was at Junction 8 today. Went to check the rings at Lee Hwa. The 0.33 wasn't that fantastic but it was $1.2k after 50% discount. I tried the 0.41 (D, VVS2) $1.9k+ and 0.4 (D, VS1) $1.7k+ which didn't seem much difference. Of course, 0.40 will be cheaper lah and it looks the same. I tried the 0.5 and wah liao...it's way too big and not nice. But tempting to get a 0.5 carat diamond. Heehee...We asked if can trade-in and old ring. They said yes if we can find the receipt. I have also been sourcing for vouchers now to help "save" him some money. If can find the receipt and can get a $200-$400 trade in value...maybe can get the 0.5 carat one. But that must think about it.However, the sudden generousity makes a person think alot. Haiz...better not think. Why stress myself.Oh, now I am hoping for good news next week from A. I really hope the package is very good...I am dreaming but I am really hoping. Let's pray for lots of luck.
Thots of the DAY @
3:27 PM
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Dun understand why but I have been having sleepless nights. Actually it's not really sleepless but more of too active dreams. There are things on my mind but I can't really say it out since there seem to be some "idiot" reading this blog and chances of causing me more problems later. (whoever u are...u know who u are...although I dun!)Received 2 good news today.1) Dad won national day parade tickets (i joined the contest). Got 6 tickets. I never been before, so maybe this year I will attempt to go. =)2) Won tickets to the movie "The Happening!". It starts showing on the 12th June. Youth.sg will be sending me the tickets via mailOh, today I am meeting A. Am very nervous...I hope I can get thru the meeting and clinch what I want. But now my issue is getting to the location...going home isn't much of an issue as there is a straight bus opposite the place. It's getting to that location first. Duh. Anyway, will have to walk all the way to Tanglin Shopping Centre. Dun wan to take a cab cos it's actually not that FAR nor is it that near. Urk!Still wondering what to do on R's b'day. Haven't bought anything yet. He didn't really speak to me yesterday...it's as if he is in one of his "moods" or he is upset with me. Haiz. I really can't be bothered. I am feel drained out and tired these days. Oh..I bought 2 tops yesterday. I didn't even tell R cos he seem so uninterested in me yesterday. Am tempted to buy another few cos it's cheap and it's nice. Just that, I am contemplating want to try buying M size or stick to S. Maybe tonight try the S again and see how. I think the top is great and it hids my bulging tummy. I ain't losing any more weight. Let me con't to sigh over it.
Thots of the DAY @
1:36 PM
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Something I typed last night."Hmmm...I think I should read what I type about love previously. Does love = lust? Love = affection? It seems that it's not related. When you lust after someone or have affection for someone, it doesn't mean that you love the person. However, if you love a person, you have some sort of affection for the person...whether deep or not, only you will know.True? That's the tot of the day.Starting Monday I am going to go help someone for a couple of weeks. That's beat staying at home and facing the 4 walls. Hopefully, the project will last at least 3 weeks so that I can earn that $1k from helping out. Okay, this was the other thing on my mind. Should I go ahead and do the lipo? It might give me a flatter tummy but will it make a difference in my relationship with R? Part of the need to do it is because it's something that I had always wanted. BUT the other part of me is because of R. R has not given me much of an opinion on this issue...neither had he mention that he like me the way I am. Actually he hasn't said it for a long time. Guy friends that I know, says that R should be lucky to have a wife like me. But somehow I feel it's the opposite now. Sometimes I think I'm very bad. I tend to not show any affection to any of my kids if R doesn't show me affection. Sounds mean?Part of me want to escape everything that's around me. I have a family but somehow I feel so alone. But why do I feel that way? It's a question that I have yet to find any sort of answer. I think I really need to work so that I can keep my mind off things.
Thots of the DAY @
8:43 AM
