Tuesday, January 22, 2008
I am only pregnant for 26 weeks + but how come it feels like eternity this time around. Maybe because I am older and work is getting stressful. Crying seems like a ritual these days. Just feel so sick of life, sick of family, etc.Was talking to an old classmate the other day. She told me that I should fine some help as she can see that I can hid depression. I told her not to worry as I am sane enough not to hurt the people around me that's why I still have my "wonderful" two feet on the ground. She did mention that I should just take time off away from everyone. That I also know...but where can I go? You know, sometimes I just feel like just packing my bag and leave for a few days. But where to go? Going to a hotel doesn't make sense as it's really expensive. Going alone to travel...worse. And also how to leave without anyone being worked up? (The problem is my in-laws and my parents. I dun want either to worry or even panick) But I really wish to get away from everything...from this house, from the 4 walls, from the kids and from R. I feel so lost whenever I feel so alone. I know I have other frens that are also in this stage but they are also hanging on...just hanging on for the sake of their kids. I kowtow to them. I am hanging on mainly because of my dad. You know, I love my dad more than anyone else. Although we dun "talk" that much...but my admire him. Okay..it's 26.5 weeks. I am 38 inches WIDE. 52.8kg (as per weighing machine) Man...I feel big and fat and heavy. I was at 38 inches at 38 weeks and 37 weeks for i1 and i2 respectively. But at 26.5 weeks! It's scary. I am waiting for week 27 to end and I will finally hit 3rd trimester! That's another 1.5 weeks. Seems like eternity esp when I see my office calender. LOL. I am also pending debating whether to drive or save the money for better use. These 2 weeks has been comfortable where I didn't have to squeeze with the crowd on the bus. Also thinking whether my dad will let me hybernate at their home in April. At least, I didn't have to wake up so early to work. Imagine staying there and waking up at 7.20 am and leaving "home" at 7.50am. Won't that be great. That will be = to 1 more hr of needed rest. How about going home? I will take less than 30 mins to reach home! R says to go ahead <-- dun know it's a matter of getting me out of the house or really because of my benefit? The kids? I dun think it makes a difference if I am at home. (for e.g. now I am upstairs on the com. They are downstairs playing/watching TV...if I am not wrong, eating ice-cream!) It really makes no difference.Sorta setting my mind up to make sure baby no. 3 is closer to me. But it's gonna be hard esp if I get offered a better job/better pay. I am only 1 person but I can't be at two places at one time. I can't sacrific either too because of financial circumstances. (I dun want to owe people money, and I hope to hit the 6 figure cash amount by Yr 2010 at least). Not an easy task but I really need to. i1 will be 8, i2 will be 6, i3 will be 2. Just imagine the education expense by the time i1 & i2 hit "A" or "Poly"...scary ain't it?Too many plans...only 1 small brain. Howz?
Thots of the DAY @
8:15 PM
Friday, January 18, 2008
Woke up this morning still feeling fed up and angry at R. I am so pissed with him. Why can't I just have a husband that DOES something or else UNDERSTANDS me. It started off yesterday when he smsed me that he reached office. So I called him and highlighted a few things before I forgot. I told him someone finally offered a good price for the sony ericsson vouchers, so I settle to deal at Kovan MRT. And of course, told him I booked the Dim Sum restaurant for his dad's birthday lunch (even this I have to do...when HE is the SON!). Then when I went down, I told him the person wants to collect the voucher at 7.30pm at Kovan MRT. Then he say why cannot 7.45pm. Then dinner how. I told him I no need to eat dinner, I can just deal the vouchers myself. (Cos I didn't want to relate the point that it was so hard to sell the voucher! Those who does auction buy and sell will understand what I mean)Anyway, things went well until we hit near Bedok area...he kept complaining in the car that he wanted to change lanes and there were so many cars. He kept repeating himself so much that when I saw that the side was empty, I just told him...now got chance. He just shouted back at me saying that it is impossible to get out. From then, I just kept my mouth quiet...I just didn't want to talk to him..all the way home until after dinner. He decided to bring the two kids along and drive the car. So while walking to the car I had to ask him, so how...which side of Kovan MRT. He thinks I got ESP huh...dun tell dun let me know what his plans and he thinks I know what HE wants?!?!?! In the first place, I only thought of going to do the exchange myself...wouldn't it be easier?!Then he asked me why. I say I need to tell the person where to meet right? I can't possibly let the person walk from one side to another. He told me WHY NOT? I got so pissed off with him. Then also the called is an Indian guy and he also blur like sotong. End up I got so pissed off with him and shouted at him in the car. I told him...1st is so hard to sell the vouchers and yet you expect the buyer to follow UR instructions?!? And since you dun bother to do such thing, I do it...all you do is COMPLAIN all the way. 2nd, I wanted to go myself, it's u who wanted to bring everyone along. After that he kept quiet. I mean...how much more he wants to push me?I do also wrong, I don't do also wrong. WTF! Friends tell me to heck care every single thing and let him run the show. I say if I do that...nothing happens, every single person suffers. Also I am damn pissed that since this is his reservist week, we already "tear" the coupon, why can't he plan a night out for just the two of us. If I do not suggest anything, nothing happens! This is ridculous. I dun understand him sometimes. When got car to use, don't make full use of it. Then after that, when dun have, then say cannot go here or cannot go there. Does he have any brain at all? Does he even bother about ME?Even today, he is off at 5pm. Since so early, he can take bus home RITE? and let me take the car? NO....he didn't even bother to suggest that. Cos knowing him, he does things that ONLY BENEFIT him and if it benefits others then it's EXTRA. Our r/s is going down the drain and it's cause by him. **Pls note: it's not that I never mention all these things before. I did. But he isn't taking anything seriously? Maybe I should just walk out for a couple of days and see what his bloody reaction is! Maybe he will get the POINT that he has to care for his wife?
Thots of the DAY @
8:07 AM
Monday, January 7, 2008
Looking back the past year as I was reflecting the other day. I realise that I sorta achieved what I had set out to do.1st, get my MBA before I turn 30 (it was delayed from the inital which was 26 due to the fact in between I had 2 monsters!).2nd, got our flat keys.3rd, my 3rd kid before I turn 30 (it was by accident but then it's still good news! And it's a baby girl. Due 4th May. Hope I dun labour on labour day...not a good day to spend in hospital!)4th, change our home TV5th, finish my house reno6th, work within our budget of our flat (I met our joint a/c budget but I lost in my own budget cos I spent abit more)7th, although technically not in yr 2007, but just 5 days into yr 2008, we got ourselves a laptop.8th, to drive again.Hmmm...quite abit of achievements hor.Oh, today I drove to work. Sorta. I forgot my office pass, had to get R to bring it mid-way to opposite Ubi driving centre. Then he con't driving to Kembangan MRT and dropped off. I took the car to office. I manage to get a lot (cos it was empty...thank goodness), parked the car and was SAFE. Now let's hope, going home will be the same. =P
Thots of the DAY @
4:32 PM
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
It seems that luck is not in our way.1st, the laptop deal went bust.2nd, our chance of renting out the place went bust.3rd, pregnancy rash getting worse.4th, getting sick.What else can happen?
Thots of the DAY @
10:08 PM
